The voters of America have spoken: order has been restored to the republic, and our long national nightmare is over. We've taken our country back.
President Obama has scheduled an address to the nation later today. It's expected that he will announce his resignation and that of Vice-President Joe "BFD" Biden, thus catapulting Speaker of the House John Boehner into the White House.
President Boehner will have his work cut out for him, undoing six years of Obama's tyranny. His task will be made more difficult by the fact that there are still enough Democrats in the Senate to block legislation by means of the filibuster; therefore, new Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's first order of business should be to eliminate the filibuster. Once that's done, the Republican majority will be free to enact the will of the people.
Item one on the legislative agenda, of course, will be to repeal Obamacare and to replace it with not-Obamacare. Americans have been longing to return to the days when they could be denied health insurance due to preexisitng medical conditions, and when women could be charged higher premiums than men for the same policies; millions of Americans living in poverty want back their freedom not to seek medical treatment unless it's an emergency. It's too late, sadly, to save the many Americans who were executed by Obamacare Death Panels (estimated number so far: zero, and rising), but all we can do now is uninsure the future for the millions who would rather die a natural death by untreated illness than have Uncle Sam cart them away. Under righteous Republican rule, the government will no longer involve itself in your healthcare decisions; those decisions will be made by your employer and your insurance company, the way God intended.
Speaking of God, He's back! With Obama out of the way, churches can re-open and pastors can freely speak their minds: the Reign of Terror has ended. Prayer can be returned to public schools where it rightfully belongs, sparing parents the burden of praying at home with their children. The Bible can be taught again as God's word--and so can the Constitution! As for the Gay Mafia and its various LGBT paisonos: it's back to the closet for them. They'll have to tear up those bogus "marriage certificates" and go back to living in sin, which is all they're about anyway.
What else? Well, all the guns confiscated by President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder will be returned to the American people. The IRS will be told to mind its own business and stop snooping into the activities of tax-exempt organizations. And speaking of snooping, the out-of-control Obama-era NSA will be instructed to revert to the policies of the out-of-control Bush-era NSA, which should be a comfort to us all. Also, Obama's FEMA re-education camps will be closed down forthwith, and all citizens who have been re-educated will be de-educated. As for voting "rights": votes from now on will be allocated based on income ("One dollar, one vote!"), which is the only fair policy.
Taxes, of course, must be cut immediately, as must government spending. Both tax rates and federal spending must be rolled back to 2008 levels (hereafter known as "the baseline" for budgetary purposes). In essence, the 2008 economy should be restored: we want our housing bubble back! All federal regulations imposed under the Obama regime will be declared null and void, beginning with the heinous imposition upon the American people of non-Edisonian lightbulbs; if standard incandescent bulbs were good enough for Thomas Edison, they should be good enough for us.
All federal entitlement programs must be reduced and reformed immediately. Anyone who signed up for SNAP benefits or disability under the Obama Interregnum must re-apply after first repaying the fraudulent benefits they received. A constitutional amendment should be passed recognizing gainful employment of at least thirty hours per week as the legal obligation of each and every non-trust-funded citizen. The retirement age will be raised to 75, but full Social Security and Medicare benefits won't kick in until age 90; this will restore the fiscal solvency of those programs. Also, Social Security will be privatized, amortized, condensed, and obfuscated.
Finally, on foreign policy: no more apologizing for America! Robust American military power, thoughtfully and prudently employed as it was by the likes of Ronald Reagan and both Bushes, is exactly what this world wants and needs. The Appeaser-in-Chief will be replaced by a Warrior-in-Chief, and America's enemies (and perhaps even its friends) will tremble once again. We are the world's policeman, because God has appointed us. President Boehner will dispatch the Ferguson (Missouri) Police Department to the Middle East, thus putting an end to that region's troubles once and for all. When the Ferguson PD is done there, it will return home to guard our nation's southern border, patrolling the Great Wall of America that will finally be completed, albeit over the dead bodies (literally) of the Democratic opposition. Our immigration policy will consist of "Trespassers will be shot".
Also, the U.S. will invade Ebola, overthrow the viral regime, and stop the outbreak in its tracks.
Remember the date--November 4, 2014: the day when everything changed forever. May God bless America--because if He doesn't, He'll have to answer to the Ferguson PD.