"Sipus et Dipus": Only In Great Falls

My first trip to Great Falls, Montana couldn't have gone better. The conference I attended featured excellent speakers, workshops, and meals; the poetry reading I participated in went well; I got to reconnect with lots of folks I don't see often enough; and I managed, with the help of friends, to get in a bit of sightseeing. After checking into our hotel on Wednesday, we drove forty miles or so northeast of Great Falls to Fort Benton, an historic fur-trading post and the oldest continuing (white) settlement in the state, with historic connections to Lewis and Clark. We strolled along the Missouri River, crossed the river on a wooden bridge (stepping carefully over some uncertain planking), viewed the various historic statues and plaques ("Shep" the forever faithful dog, and George Montgomery, the Hollywood "Rider of the Purple Sage"), and saw a recreation of Lewis and Clark's boat. We also pondered the fate of the " Bloodiest Block in the West," a stretch of Fort Benton fronting the river that was once notoriously the site of numerous brothels and bars, frequent shootouts, and general skulduggery, including the mysterious drowning of Thomas Meagher, Montana's first Governor (drowning, along with Meagher, Montana's first Constitution). That same street is now much more sedate, featuring, among other things, a laundromat, a small grocery store, and a pricey cafe set back from the street; it does still have a couple bars (the Palace Bar, with its adjacent barbershop, and Jack's Bar and Bowling Alley), but we felt, all in all, relatively safe from skulduggery. We had a good lunch at the Clubhouse (a block up from the river), then stopped for beers at the Pour House, where we chatted with an affable bartender named Mike, who handed us drink tokens on our way out, hoping, I assume, to lure us back soon.

The entertainment highlight of my trip, though, was Great Falls' famous and unique Sip 'n Dip Lounge. It's a little bar located on the second floor of the O'Haire Motor Inn, just a block or two from the heart of downtown Great Falls; walk in through the motel lobby, past the registration deck and up the winding staircase. What's special about the Sip 'n Dip, besides its tiki-bar decor and its fishbowl-size mixed drinks, is that a large window behind the bar looks directly into the depths of the motel's heated indoor swimming pool; and every night at 9, that pool is graced by one or more young ladies, each clad in twenty pounds of mermaid costume, who swim and cavort through hoops for the edification and viewing pleasure of whoever happens to be in the bar at the time. It's enough to make a man suspect he's had a round or two too many--here you are, sipping another Beltian White and talking about the sad state of American politics, when suddenly your friend directs your attention to the bar, behind which you see what appears to be a buxom mermaid, diving slowly to the bottom of a pool, twisting and turning, gliding through a large plastic hoop, then turning to the bar and smiling, waving, and blowing kisses as she rises toward the surface, out of view for a minute or so...and then returning and repeating the same routine, over and over. I told the waitress to cut me off at that point, because I was beginning to see mermaids; she smiled and said, "Have another, maybe you'll see two mermaids."

You'd think mermaids would be enough of an attraction--but there's more! You'll come to the Sip 'n Dip for the mermaids, alright, but you'll stay to hear Pat, the ageless local chaunteuse who sits down at the keyboards and reinvents various classic pop tunes; the night we were there, her repertoire included "Fly Me To The Moon" and "Margaritaville," as well as something about "I Love This Bar (Yes I Do)" and her own "Rockin' Great Falls Thursday Night". We were told she does a killer "Sweet Caroline" (Neil Diamond), too. Mostly, though, I can't say enough about Pat's Johnny Cash mini-medley: she sang "Ring of Fire" and then an utterly inimitable "Folsom City Blues"--we sat there awestruck as this kindly, grandmotherly songstress intoned "I shot a man in Reno / just to watch him die," slightly softening the lryics' menace by crooning "Oh yes I did, I really did". And all the while, that night's lovely mermaid toiled tirelessly, diving, swimming through hoops, smiling, waving, blowing kisses, and (for some reason) playing "Rock/Paper/Scissors" through the glass with some guy at the bar.

There's much more to see and do in Great Falls; it's a fine city of many musems, parks, and other attractions (America's Shortest River!), and I mean no disrespect to it or to its inhabitants by focusing on the Sip 'n Dip--but still, it's an experience you shouldn't miss. If you're ever in Great Falls, looking for a place to get out of the wind (America's Windiest City!), drive over to the O'Haire Motor Inn, walk upstairs, and wait for Pat and the mermaids to get started...you won't regret it.

Comments

[Jack Shifflett]

Um, yes, Mike, it's definitely a disappointment not to have your photo posted. Regardless, thanks for taking the time to correct my egregious error; I hereby appoint you the Official Fact Checker for viewsfromthebigsky. (I would add, though, that you don't need to go on at such great length--that's my job; get your own damned blog.) I stand corrected; but have you considered that maybe Meagher dove overboard in search of the missing Constitution?

[Zan Bockes]

I wanted to correct the appalling error about the Montana Constitution being lost in the Missouri River along with our two term acting Governor Meagher. The Gov. may have been drunk and fell in the river, was pushed, or killed by a man that claimed he was paid $8,000 to do him in, but recanted when informed that this was actually a crime. In any case, the Montana Constitution for statehood was lost a year earlier in 1866. It was on its way to the printer and just never made it there. Rumor has it that alcohol was involved. Eighteen years later we took a second sober shot at the constitution but it was not ratified and I believe that document also went missing. Third time is the charm and in 1889 Montana became a state with a constitution we could hold on to. We actually keep it until 1972 when we rewrote it.
The current constitution is a rather progressive document and we should really really try to hold on to it. I will give you an example with the preamble "We the people of Montana grateful to God for the quiet beauty of our state, the grandeur of our mountains, the vastness of our rolling plains, and desiring to improve the quality of life, equality of opportunity and to secure the blessings of liberty for this and future generations do ordain and establish this constitution." Wait there is more, article II states we have a right to a clean environment, a primary reason the legislature keeps talking about the need to rewrite this business unfriendly document.
I guess this was not a real appalling error. Heck, I am always misplacing important documents, like notices from the IRS, speeding tickets, etc.
Thanks for letting me vent on this , some may say, nerdy issue. Mike - for some reason I am unable to to register for the blog under my name. Since Zan and I share a computer the internet machine assumes I am Zan. It is a big disappointment that I cannot add my photo.

[Kelly Shifflett]

Sounds like another great adventure in Montana dad! Hope to make it out to see you again soon and we can check it out for ourselves...